Home sweet home

I arrived in Portland at 10 p.m. last night on a Southwest Airline flight from SLC. The remainder of the week I spent time with family and friends. Had a few fights with my sister Rachel who is having a very difficult time with this tragedy. I can definitely say that I have closure and am at peace. I forgive my Mom for this selfish act.

Tommorrow is my first day back at work. It will be good to get into a routine again. I was not on my computer enough while in Utah to work on my show. I will do my next show this up coming weekend. I will start putting together some content this week to make TW#8 my best show yet.

Mom's Funeral

The service was absolutely beautiful. I had some reservations about it being held in a Mormon chapel, but this particular bishop handled things very well. Because I used to be the really religous one in the family, I was asked to give a prayer during the viewing. I was able to get through it without assigning a gender to God and using the "thee" and "thou" verbiage which is typical during a Mormon prayer. Grandma was an absolute warrior. She lost her legs when she first saw her daughter's body, but considering her health condition, she was very strong. Nobody should ever have to see their child in a coffin. The ward Relief Society cooked a meal for the family. It was your typical yummy Mormon food and it was truly theraputic.

This tragedy has brought out everybody's true colors and told me who in the family I will be able to be close to from this point on. Most have expressed a desire to be close. I am basically a member of the family again. It would not have happened so soon if Mom had not done this. This is where the true healing begins.

Family re-unites and body preparation

The funeral is scheduled for Monday at 1 p.m. in a Mormon chapel in Taylorsville, Utah. I don't know how I feel about a Mormon service since Mom didn't have alot of love for the LDS Church. My step dad (who grew up Catholic) truly believes she would have preferred a Mormon funeral. The bishop is going to try and make the funeral comfortable for people of different beliefs, so we'll see how that works out.

I have seen alot of family members in the past 24 hours that I have been separated from for 4+ years. I still will see more on Monday, so the stress level is still high. The person I am worried about the most is my grandma. No one should have to attend their child's funeral. What makes matters worse is that grandma had open heart surgury just months ago. I am worried about having to attend two funerals in a week. That would be a tough roll.

Our immediate family saw our mother's body this morning. We were worried that the funeral place would make my Mom look different, so we did our own preparation for the viewing. I was not able to do much other than view her body. It gave me the creeps when I touched her cold body. I cried a whole bunch this morning. Everybody was also able to have some time alone with her. It was all very theraputic. I feel confident that I will have closure on Monday so I can be strong for some of my family. I'll keep you posted :)

Tragedy in the family

I just posted a special announcement in my podcast feed about my mom's suicide. It's hitting 2 a.m. here in Portland and I will be boarding a plane to SLC in about 6 hours. I will try and get a few hours of shut eye but im not optimistic. I have gone through alot of shit in my life which gives me strength I need for my family right now. My younger sisters are a mess and I need to get to them ASAP. I will try and keep all of you posted.

TG Music

Georgie Jessup is going to mail me her CD's to play on the show. I am really impressed with the samples of music that I have heard on her website so far. So I am excited about that. I also encourage her to get her music on the Podsafe Music Network.

Also recieved the OK from Nancy Nangeroni from Gendertalk to play her song and video "In Memory of Rita" for my Day of Remembrance Show this Sunday.

I love this stuff. God I wish I could do podcasting full time.

Yay, my first donation!!

I just recieved my first donation from for my podcast. It comes from Jason and Anna from the Delta Park Project. Thank you so much to both of you. I am going to keep a tally on the donation page of my website. I hope nobody can hack into my paypal account and steal it :) That would totally blow ass.

Just created my first promos this past weekend as you may have heard if you listened to my last show. Here they are if you want to listen to them.

My promo that includes a DSC spoof that I submitted to podshow to be played on Adam Curry's Daily Source Code.

My promo for all other podcasts.

Hope you enjoy.

Family Issues

I Found out last night that one of my sisters living back in Salt Lake tried to committ suicide last Sunday. Thankfully she did not succeed. I was really close to her until my mother got in the way. My mother is a mental case. Child services have temporarily pulled my sister out of the home. I can't be more thankful for that. There is the ever so slight possiblity she could end up living with me. It would certainly be a challenge as a blessing for both of us.

Attended my second Portland Podcasting meetup tonight. So much helpful info to help me improve the show. Still working on putting more content on the website. Currently working on my "bio" page. That should be done by the weekend.

Discussion with the department manager

I spoke with Traci (my department manager) today and discussed my concerns regarding the position I was turned down for. She made it very clear that experience and qualifications were not factored into this hiring decision because in Philip's (the hiring manager) view, the qualifications were "equal" for all the applicants considered. Apparently Philip made the decision based on who he thought would be the best "fit" on his team (aka popularity contest). Traci also told me that I was considered for the position and could have been hired without a current interview because of a prior interview with Philip. She readily admitted that the hiring process for this position was not handled well and she will address that with Philip.

Did my TG status factor into me not getting this position? Very possibly so but I will never be able to prove it since others of "equal" qualifications were supposedly turned away for this position (apparently there two applicants with more seniority than me). Traci wants to work with me to help me get a job that is a better fit for me. She is willing to do individual career counseling with me. Considering she has 5-6 managers report to her and over 200 employees as indirect reports, I am pleased she is willing to do this. I think she understands my situation and wants to make up for this blunder.

I have decided for now to put this behind me because I don't want the job anymore, nor do I want to take it away from the person who got it. I could still go to HR, but my dissatifaction with this process has been noted and I see nothing else positive I could accomplish by pushing the issue further.

Am I being discriminated against?

A few weeks ago I posted for an internal position within my company. It would be a lateral move (I have plenty of experience in that job function) and I simply wanted a change. I found out today that the position was filled by a friend of mine who openly admits to having less qualifications than I do. What bites my ass is that I was not even interviewed. I emailed the hiring manager and he told me that he didn't need to interview me because he already was "aware" of my qualifications from an interview (for a different position) last year. I plan to speak with the department manager on this tommorrow and possibly go to HR.

If qualifications were not a deciding factor in this position, then what was?

Welcome to my new blog home...

on http://www.blogger.com. Now you can respond to my posts and I don't have to deal with the problems that I listed on my server blog at http://www.trannywreck.com/index.php?mdl=5. Since my battery is getting ready to die and it's late. That's all I am posting for now.. Later...